Adoption
by Songfic Misstress
Summary: A collection of drabbles about what would happen if Near and Mello were in my custody. Funny. My first try at Drabbles. No Mature Themes. Mello and Near are like rivaling brothers, united against an evil entity...me.
1. Hello!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. pity me please.

This is what would happen if I adopted Near and Mello. A collection of drabbles. First shot at drabbles...bear with me please.

I bend down and pinch the cheek of the pale little boy in over sized pajamas. "Say hello to your new mommy!" I say in a sugary tone that is so fake. Near looks up at me with large vulnerable eyes filled with confusion.

"Hello?" he asks, unsure of this strange female teenager. I smile at him sweetly, and turn my attention to the other one.

"Hello!" I say too enthusiastically, bending to pinch this one's cheek as well. My hand is slapped away. "Don't even **think** about it!" Mello yells, glaring. I glare back, waiting for the twerp to back down. When he doesn't, I administer a swift discipline.

I swoop my hands into my purse and out before Mello knows what's going on. I put something firmly on his head and tie the..bow? under his chin. he squirms, trying to see what it is that I have done. Near begins to laugh maniacally. We start to walk to my car, Mello still confused. Once the kids are belted in, I turn to talk to Mello.

"Don't mess with me, or you will wear that a lot, and no manly guy like you would want to be caught dead in a pink bonnet."

Please Review, or I will make you wear the pink bonnet of doom!!


	2. Morning

Morning

6:30- awaken to gunshots

6:32- hear Near yelp and drag myself out of bed

6:35- confiscate Mello's gun

6:40- see how Near set Mello up to get in trouble ,discipline Near (he has to wear the bonnet) and give Mello back his gun

6:45- pour myself coffee and think rationally

6:50- re-confiscate Mello's gun


	3. Noon

Noon

12:00- hand out chocolate and "healthy food" to Mello and Near respectively

12:30- buy more modeling glue online for Near

12:35- buy more bullets online for Mello

12:37- ….cancel latest online purchase


	4. Night

Night

5:00- force a square meal into Mello, follow up with chocolate. Reward Near for his co-operation with a kinder surprise egg.

5:05- Near gives Mello chocolate while he assembles the toy. (they are so cute when they get along!)

5:10- Mello wants more chocolate, Near breaks toy beyond easy repair.

5:15- Both children give "the eyes"

5:20- Will not cave. NO MORE CHCOLATE AND TOYS!!

5:25- Take away another of Mello's guns. If he ever points one of those at me again….

5:30- Lecture Near about the cons of using corrosive acid, as if he didn't already know. How could the cute little one try to kill me!!

5:45- go buy more chocolate and toys


	5. trapped

Near hugged a knee to his chest, and curled a lock of hair around his finger. There had to be a way out, he just had to concentrate…

"DAMMIT!!" Exploded Mello.

Such expenditures of energy were futile, but could Mello see that? Never. Near watched as suddenly Mello dropped to the floor, pounding the ground with his fists. "We're going to die here!" Mello yelled.

Near was shocked. Die? No, he was too young to die. She won't kill us…Mello took Near and shook him by the shoulders. "SHE'S CRAZY MAN!!!CRAZY!"

Near let himself be shaken, supporting his neck as best as he could. When Mello stopped, Near stretched, and started to think.

"What are our supplies? What do I have to work with? I can't make something out of thin air you know!" Near was a little testy, allowing his emotions to shine through this stressful situation.

Mello looked around. "Let's see…and unlocked door, and open window, one desk, half of a – munch munch- one quarter of a- …no chocolate." There was a pause. "N-no chocolate Near…I'm going to die!"

Near rolled his eyes. "We have some toys, right? There has to be some toys" there had to be.

Mello looked around dully and said "uh…no?"

Near felt his exterior crumble. "No cards? No dice no matches no transformers?"

"No dice Near, sorry." Mello did feel bad for the kid this time, he really did. Near's eyes filled with tears. "Not even a single puzzle?"

Mello put an arm around Near. "I'm sorry buddy, this is mostly my fault. Don't cry!" if Near started to cry…Mello felt the sniffles.

The door burst open. "Have you guys learnt your lesson yet?" I said cheerily, holding something behind my back.

The boys sniffed and nodded in unison.

"Never threaten to shoot the family kitten." Mello stated.

"Never mix chemical compounds in the kitchen, even if I'm sure it won't contaminate anything." Near finishes.

I smile, "good boys!" I take from behind my back a case of chocolate and a transformer. "Grounding's over!"


	6. Sharing a room I

After the awkward ride home from Wammy's, I showed the boys their room.

"This has to be changed." Mello stated sternly, the bonnet still atop his head. "I can't share a room.with Near., I won't!!"

I look on blankly,and toss a roll of duct tape into the center of the room. Make it work, I'll be back in a an hour, I want all of your things unpacked when I get back."

One hour later

Mello is tied hand and foot, gagged in the corner, with the for mentioned duct tape. Near is sitting on his bed, fully unpacked, having moved all of Mello's boxes into the hallway.

"This works pretty well." he grins.

Review! or I'll have Near attack you with Duct Tape.


	7. sharing a room II

Sharing a room con't

Once Mello was free of all bonds, had consumed three chocolate bars, and had vented his frustration by tearing apart a pillow, it was time to try again. This time with implicit orders not to stick the tape to each other or anything but the floor. "I'll be back in a bit, you two be good, or you'll find out that I have two pink bonnets."

A Bit Later

"Near!" I yelled, "You can't do that! Even if Mello hasn't noticed yet, you think that that's fair?"

Both the children looked at me dumbfounded. "But I'm the one who came up with this...is there a problem?" Mello asked.

I sighed in exasperation. These kids are supposed to be smart "Mello...you can't get to the door. Near has this whole side of the room.

Mello grins, "Yeah, I have the window."

Review or i will get rid of your door and make you go through the window


	8. The Birds and the Bees

I decide that it is my duty to torment my new children as a real parent would. No more pink bonnets, it's time to fight fire with fire, or in this case, knowledge with knowledge. I call the kids into the den, having them take a seat on couch as i pull up a chair to be in front of them.

"Okay boys, do either of you know where you came from?" I ask in a misleading, casual and happy tone.

"Wammy's house" the both of them say in unison, with fond looks of longing. Mello even goes so far as to ask, his voice full of hope "Are you sending us back?"

I laugh and shake my head, ignoring Mello's question. "Before that you sillies!"

Near giggles very nervously. "You mean...our parents? Oh no...Dear God please...no..."

I nod enthusiastically. "Yes Near, I think you already know what I'm going to talk about! Today you guys get to learn about ... where babies come from!

I watch with amusement as a scene unfolds before me.

Near, frantically finding a way not to have to hear these 'bad things' turns to Mello. "Please, I beg you Mello, give me your gun. I have to shoot myself!"

Mello refuses, shaking his head like a wet dog. "No Near, I only have one bullet left! It's mine!"

Near stops Mello from shooting himself and gestures to me.

Amusement fades to panic.

"You know...You guys are too young to handle this kind of thing. I don't know what i was thinking, I might try again an a few " I hear the click as Mello turns the safety off. "MILLION years...yes, then I'll try again. Sorry for the waste of time." I heave a sigh of releife as the saftey is turned back on, and the pistol vanishes in the folds of Mello's leather vest.

Review or i will tell you where babies come from...(the stork of course...) please review? please?


	9. i know, i'm mean, but

Okay, I'm going to update this when I have ten reveiws. I know that it's mean, and all of that, but I seriously want some feedback.


	10. Nightmare for Near

Nightmare

I awaken to Meool shaking me by the arm, hearing screams in the background. I am instantly more alert. "My God Mello, what's going on?! Where's Near?!" I stop for a second looking at the clearly shaken boy. "And how did you get out of your room? I thought that Near had the dooor..."

Mello looks at me with terror filled eyes "I don't know, Near is in our room and. " The eyes roll "I used the window, what did you think?"

I ignored his question and started towards their bedroom. Mello stops at the threshold, not wanting to trespass, as I barge in.

Near is shaking, crying, screaming, tangled in his sheets. I can see the sheen of cold sweat on his brow.

I yell for him to wake up, and an even moredisturbing sound commences. Silence. It freaks me out. Such a somplete silence after screams. I feel somkpeled to whisper. "Near?"

I am answered by a whimper in Near's general vicinity.

"Near hun, come on. let's all go down stars nad have some warm milk."

I see the pale figure nod in the moonligh as Mello scoffs behind me. As I assist in untangleing the still shaking near from his sheets, I assure Mello that he can have hot chcolate rather than plain warm milk.

Near slowly quells his trembling sa he hugs his knee, sipping some warm milk with a dash of vanilia. I stare pointedly at Near until he gulps his mg of hot chocolate down, going outside to clambor ro the window of his room.

"Okay Near, what was all that fuss about?"

Near looks up with huge eyes. "I had a nightmare" he murmers, a tremor in his voice as a shiver wracks his petite frame.

I move a forlock from his eyes, tucking it behind his ear. "About what hun?"

Near starts to shake slightly and his eyes fill with tears. "M-Mello got smarter than me." he sniffles.

"That's it?!" I stand abruptly, clearing away mugs as I start my way to the kitchen.

Near nods.

I look ath im blankly, "Go to bed Near, we both know that will never happen."

* * *

Thank you to the few people kind enough to review. Even though i havn't gotten the ten that i want, i just HAD to post this one. Burn Mello Burn! son't worry ppl who love Mello, the next one will be a good one for him. 


	11. Special

Special

After much deliberation, I decided that it would be best for the children if I enrolled the children in a public school. Hear me out here, I wasn't trying to be evil. These kids are socially awkward. They need to have some social structure drilled into them. They've been in private school since birth, and that's just not cool. However, these kids are freaking insanely smart, and that is something that I took into consideration. So I made a deal. They would be in the public school, and participate in recess and the like, while receiving work relevant to their IQ, and have access to more qualified help. Near would be able to join the chess club or something, and Mello would be happy on one of the school sports teams, and have friends other than that pasty video gamer. Everything would be happy and dandy and fine. The last thing I expected was for Mello to come off the school bus in tears after a mere three days.

Mello is not the kind to just cry. I automatically assumed that there must have been something traumatic at school. I would have asked Mello directly, but he stormed off to his room...through the door. Both Near and I observed this with some shock. Neither of us had to voice it, he simply did not go through the window...strange...almost as strange as the twin trails of tears running silently down his cheeks. Under interrogation-er- 'casual questioning' of Near about school, there seemed to be nothing wrong. However, rather than going to his room, Near chose rather to go and hide in the basement, playing with matches and Dice. He is the only kid who could go and say "I'm going to play with matches now" and not get a second look. .

Eventually my maternal instincts told me I had to find out what made the "born to be mobster" Mello cry. That and sheer curiosity.I rapped at the closed door softly "Mello? Can I come in?" I asked.

I heard a muffled "Go Away!" but pretended that I didn't. I pushed the door open, and sat on Nears bed. "What's wrong hun?" I asked the back of the preteen, his face buried into the pillow. "I dun wanna talk 'bout it." He said, his voice thick and muted by the pillow and tears.

I stand at the edge of the duct tape., out of respect for his space. "Is it okay if I come over to your side?" If he lets me cross over...that would be a milestone...

Mello yells around the pillow "Leave me alone!!"

I decide to let it go. There's no use fighting Mello if he's determined. I just reach the threshold of his room when I hear Mello whisper, raising his head inches from the pillow and refusing to face me. " Wait...You can come over if you want, I don't care." 

Which means, of course. "Don't leave, come sit with me."I make my way back across the room and sit on the edge of Mello's bed. I rub his back in soothing circles, cautiously, wondering if my hand, offered in comfort, will be slapped away. Mello instead turns his head to look at me in mild surprise, his eyes red and slightly swollen, his nose running. He looks so much like the child he could have been. The child that didn't have to try and solve crime, who didn't know how to kill, who's biggest worry was the nest week's math test, not trying to hunt down a supernatural serial killer. A normal boy, who's allowed to be sad, allowed to cry, who gets his back rubbed when he needs it.

"What happened?" I ask, not sure even myself if I'm referring to his lack of childhood innocence or the tears that are still on his cheeks, and have dampened the pillow. I choose the latter, for now, as the former is too complicated for a single conversation."Was there a fight at school? Are you in trouble?"

Mello shakes his head. I admit that I'm rather surprised. "If it were something like that, I'd be fine. I'm used to that sort of stuff." I feel his back shift as he puffs his chest with pride.

"Then what's with the tears hun?" I move to wipe one from his cheek, but he stiffens. I slowly move my hand back to his back, and he relaxes. I can rub his back, but touching his face in an intrusion,. That's fine, baby steps are better than moving backwards. He rubs his cheek with a knuckle, rubbing his eyes too.

"Am I special?" He asks. I blink.

"Ummm...yes?" I try, Then it clicks, he doesn't think that he's as special as Near! That must be it. " You 're very special hun, both you and Near, in your own ways.

Mello bursts into a fresh batch of tears. "They were right!" He laments.

Whoa...rewind for me here. "Who said what now? Who's rights about what?" I'm sooo confused.

Between sniffles I get the whole story. He is separated from the "normal" students, put into a room where other student's go to get help...where the "special" students are. Some drool, some mumble, some just sit and stare. The teacher who baby sits these unfortunate children gives Near and Mello their work, and will offer insight, having been a university professor quite some time ago. That bits fine, the work is for their IQ and they have a geezer making sure that they don't get too bored.

It's Recess thats torture. Near can shrug it off, block it out, just have it slide off like water from a ducks back. He is secure in his super intelligence.

But to Mello, there is no worse insult that hits closer to home than "Short bus special"

* * *

Please review, And just so you know, I got called "Short Bus special" not too long ago, and have nothing but the utmost respect towards those with learning disabilities. Please review...please? 


	12. Test

**_Test_**

Near watched the clock. Too early, he would be called a freak! Then again, he was a freak, he reasoned. Why did Mello have to be such a cry baby and get them transfered to a normal class? Stupid kid... well, no point in just sitting, staring at the hands that were moving far too slow on the pale face with black numbers. May as well hand it in...

His chair made a loud scraping sound on as he stood. He winced as he felt the entire class, minus Mello, stare.

He walked, hating the new jeans that "mom" had made him wear. He couldn't move right! He could barely hug his knee, and when he did, the teacher glared at him. Not that that would make him stop, but still. He soon found himself at the teacher's desk. A great mahogany wood, nice grain finish, likely made in some Russian factory, able to support mounds of schoolwork and an archaic computer. The teacher looked up from the work she was marking, a kindly smile on her face.

"Can I help you?" she asks, her tone perfect, but her body language betraying her.

She thinks I'm stupid... how interesting.

"I'm done." Near stated clearly.

Whispers erupted from all corners of the classroom. "He's done already?" "I'm still on part A!" "He probably didn't write anything..." "He has so totally failed." "He's a freak!"

Just as Near took his seat Mello stood, also cringing at the noise and distraction that he caused. There were less whispers for him though, as the class redoubled their efforts to finish speedily. As if they could ever come close to being like Mello and Near.

Near observed the rest of the class write as Mello stared off into space. The other students had interesting facial expressions and preformed strange actions. Some bit their lips,. a few played with their hair. Some hit their foreheads. One girl in the back, dressed all in black, and wearing make up that made her eyes darker than night and her skin paler than that of Mat, snapped elastics on her wrist. Near remembered the "label" for such a creature. "The Emo". He found "The prep", the cheerleaders and jocks, aka the "populars" and the "nerds". He knew that he would soon replace the nerd, maybe. In the meantime he and Mello were "the new kids".

Finally, after an eternity, class ended and Mello caught up with Near. He punched him lightly on the shoulder. "What a killer test huh?" asked Mello sarcastically.

"What test?"


	13. Record

_**Record**_

The Recess supervisor tried again to make the too boys play. It was futile.

"Let me get this straight." said Near, lingering just inside the door of the school.

"Oh no," thought the volunteer, "not again."

"You want me..."There was a pause. "To go outside, run around, and uselessly expend energy with my peers."

The woman nodded with a small smile. Then Mello finished Near's train of thought, the two saying in unison. "For no reason?"

The supervisor sighed and gave up. "You know what? Do what you want. I don't care. Just don't hurt anybody." and with that she left go deal with more simple things, such as law suits revolving over scraped knees.

In an instant, Mello was playing soccer with kids years older than himself, and owning at it.

Near had a sudden fan group as he built and intricate castle for his mech-warrior out of dice, cards, and match sticks.

When the bell rang, the two slightly less pale boys nodded in acknowledgment of each other. That adult at the beginning had actually tried for five minutes...a new record.

* * *

I know that that one was short, but yeah...review and I'll make them longer, I promise. 


	14. Snapshot:Mello

Snap shots 

'kay, we're gonna have everyone fill out little surveys! _****_

MELLO

* * *

Name:Mihael Keehl

AKA: Mello or M

Age: 10

Sex: Male (If someone calls me a transvestite or a girl one more time I swear... bullets are gonna go bang...)

Likes: Chocolate, Winning, playing soccer, and bubble baths.

Dislikes: Vanilla, losing, being second best, and people knowing that I like bubble baths.

Most likely to be: Ruler of the world...or at least your worst nightmare. Oh, and future L... once I get rid of Near...

* * *


	15. Snapshot: Near

Snap shots 

'kay, we're gonna have everyone fill out little surveys! 

NEAR

* * *

Name: Nate Rivers

AKA: Near or N

Age: 9

Sex: Male (I don't get all dressed up pretty and do bad things to Mello. I don't. So stop asking. I'm a boy!)

Likes: Vanilla, Winning, puzzles, doing the 'impossible' and toys.

Dislikes: chocolate, losing, being second best, and mathematical and therefor physical limitations (i.e. gravity).

Most likely to be: future L, no doubt about it...And the person to have solved the most crimes, ever.

* * *


	16. Snapshot: Mira

Snap shots 

'kay, we're gonna have everyone fill out little surveys! 

MIRA

* * *

Name: Mira-chan! 

AKA: Munchkin or Songfic Misstress

Age: 16

Sex: Female

Likes: Cinnamon, Writing, Kittens, and tormenting her newly adopted children.

Dislikes: Pepper, losing, being second best, having the kids beat me,and too much math (i.e.'functions')

Most likely to be: Author, for sure...and perhaps world record holder for most reviews? (hint hint)

* * *


	17. I win, You lose

I win 

Some spoiler type stuff in here, kinda-ish 

Speedy car chase.

Screaming civilians.

Mello 'kidnaps' High Value Target female.

Mat runs interference.

Speedy speedy car chase.

Within moments of each other, two horrific instances occur.

Mat: Riddled with bullets due to brash behavior being a stupid choice turned fatal miscalculation.

Mello: Dies in car following an underestimation of a womans will to survive.

**GAME OVER**

fills the screen

There is an uneasy silence.

"I don't like this game." says Mello, tearing into yet another chocolate bar.

"Me neither." Mutters Mat, throwing down his controler.

Near watches, raising a finger to his smiling lips. "I win."

The other two boys start at this sudden comment from the otherwise silent spectator.

"But you weren't even playing..." retorts Mat, in a tone that would be used for someone much younger.

Near starts to laugh softly. "I created the game, and the game beat you, therefore I win. I always win, and I always will."

The laughter was not so soft anymore, and became maniacal and didn't even subside until long after Mat had gone home. During dinner Near was still having occasional fits of giggles. It was in this joyous state that he agreed to family night, for once.

His mirth is ended abruptly shortly into a game of snakes and ladders.

"Sorry Near, you lose, luck of the dice." says Mello, a grin plastered on his face.

"I'm going to bed." Grumbled Near, trudging to his room and trying to figure out how to win against random chance.

He lost that battle.

* * *

Moral: Even Near isn't invincible. And Dice rule the world. 


	18. PJ's

**Pajamas**

It was a Wednesday when it finally happened. Mello snapped, climbed a bookcase to get his gun back.  
I was in the backyard, playing an innocent though highly competitive game of chess with Near. Mello was supposedly going over to Mat's house to play video games.

Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.Near, about to checkmate me, looked over my shoulder in pure horror, his eyes wide and his jaw dropping.I head a click and instinctively ducked. Good thing to, as at that moment i felt a surge of heat where my head had just been, tearing a rent in the air.

I heard a strangled yelp, a thump, then nothing.I gathered my nerve and rose, turning to face Mello, who was still holding the smoking gun.

**"What do you think you're doing! You could have killed me or Near! That's so dangerous; I thought that I took that gun away from you mister, you are so-"**  
My rant is cut off.

_" I DID." _Mello states calmly.

I turn to where Near was sitting only to see a small boy on the ground. Lying still. Not hugging a knee to his chest. A finger is still tangled in his hair.

His eyes are closed

I turn back to Mello, the scream catching in my throat.  
"What have you done?" I manage to whisper, stunned as I am.

Mello looks at me blankly, then gestures to the gun in his hand. "I **SHOT** him," He explains to me, as if I am a small child.

I am still shocked and trying to figure out what I should do that will avenge my youngest adopted son and not get me put in jail. I am suddenly startled to hear a shuffling behind me. I look to see that now Mello's eyes are the ones filled with horror. I spin, and am face to face with Near.

Near slowly stalks toward the visibly uncomfortable Mello, and hands him the spent bullet. "_Nice shot_" he murmurs, a smile only just playing at the edges of his lips. He then re-seats himself, and places me in checkmate. Mello just glares, then takes off, presumably to go and now play with Mat.

I move numbly and watch as Near captures my king. "What just happened here?" I ask, obviously not referring to our now seemingly petty game.

The smile takes hold of Near and blossoms as he fingers the collar of his over sized pajamas. "Bullet proof fabric."

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Please review...please? 


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